Book one--- "The Last Goodnights- assisting my parents with their suicides" by John West.
Now that I'm older and find myself wondering about how my own demise might look, I suppose it's not a surprise that I picked this up at the library. I was curious about what sort of tale 'the executor' might relate, especially since he managed to facilitate the departures of both his parents. How does one manage to go through with that not just once, but twice?
Mr. West's parents, who were in their early to mid-70's at the times of their deaths, were notable professional people in Los Angeles, with many awards and accomplishments to their credit. I think it would be safe to say they circulated in the upper strata of L.A. society. His father was a well-respected physician and his mother had a long career as a psychiatrist.
However, all the accomplishments in the world will not insulate you from eventual aging and decrepitude, despite whatever Donald Trump may think. ( Has he looked at his own hair lately???) John West's father was diagnosed with a virulent cancer of the type that only guarantees an extended period of prolonged misery disguised as 'heroic measures'. Since, as a physician, he had witnessed many such 'treatment regimens', he had previously decided that he was not going to endure that himself if diagnosed with such a malady. In fact, both parents had stated much earlier that they were not interested in 'lingering' if they became severely ill.
West's mother was afflicted with a number of different conditions: osteoporosis, emphysema, and finally, mid-stage Alzheimer's. Sadly.. by the time her husband had gotten his diagnostic death sentence, it was improbable that Mrs. West was going to be able to assist her partner in his suicide plans, as they had originally agreed to do. Thus, the author found himself actively recruited by his father to make sure that his previous end-of-life scheme could still be pulled off. After overcoming his shock at being thrust into the very messy middle of these plans, he agreed to help his father get this done.
In actuality, the 'termination' of his father happens quite early in the book. Much of the writing in this part has to do with the minutiae of getting the job done with enough stealth to avoid having the death look suspicious. Since his father was a physician the matter of assembling enough of the right prescription drugs was a relatively easy matter, in that there was a lot of 'spare stuff' floating around the house. It was the rest of the 'planning' that was rife with uncertainty. This aura of uncertainty and the need to keep the whole operation a closely guarded secret (even from other siblings--and his mother, since she was not always coherent) and the toll it takes on the author are an underlying theme throughout the book.
The father's plan goes awry when he falls in the shower and breaks a hip honeycombed with the already advanced cancer. Upon admittance to the hospital and subsequent examination of the injury, it turns out that the only medical solution to the injury is to do a double hip joint replacement. Since there was no way to just say, "Never mind, we'll just take him home, since he has other plans.", West senior undergoes the operation and subsequent therapeutic treatments, so that when all is said and done, he can go home and put himself to death.
Once the elder Mr. West is released, the plan for termination is taken up once again. Of course, this involves the Herculean task of bringing all the various 'post-operative recovery' equipment home so that they can set up a 'sick room', under the pretense that he is going to get better. Just this planning itself is enough to shred the nerves and strain the will of any adult child that has ever undertaken this task for his parents. But, this was only the beginning, being the necessary effort needed to construct the scrim disguising the true undertaking.
Once "Dad" had arrived home, and the attendant swirl of activity had passed, the final plan was able to be undertaken. The lethal combination of drugs was ingested, and a night-long death watch began. Despite some false alarms, within 24 hours or so, Dr. West got his wish and passed away. The post-mortem steps were taken and the various authorities and medical personnel were notified. His swift death after returning home did not raise a lot of eyebrows, which was a relief for his son.
The second part of the book has to do with his efforts to enable his mother to do likewise. This is greatly complicated by the fact of her condition of rapidly advancing Alzheimer's. This entails a cautious dance for him, in that he has to plot this with his mother, and also keep it a secret from everyone else. Not an easy task when the principal player has both a failing memory and a loosening grasp on reality. By the end of the book, the author is clearly a worn out wreck, but has managed to accomplish his 'mission' despite the cost to himself.
About this same time, I ran across another account concerning the same subject, this one entitled "Imperfect Endings" by Zoe Carter. I'll spare you a long account of this one, and summarize. This tale is more about the three sisters that have to face their mother's clearly revealed insistence that she wants to end her life and she expects them to 'attend', if not participate. Again , a long tale of angst, denial, and resistance with a predictable end.
What struck me most about both books was the circumstances in which these folks desiring this end were living. All were very well-to-do white folks with abundant resources and hired help. Plus, relative easy access to medical services and 'medicines', which could easily serve as a scrim behind which they can plot their final exits. One has to wonder about others who are not so fortunate when the outlook for the waning years of their lives becomes bleak and devoid of anything resembling comfort or normality. What saving grace is going to appear for them if they evince a desire to cease living, as these others did?
The subject of these two books is of interest to me. As I contemplate growing older and more infirm, and remember the sad half-life of my parent's last years, I often give thought to what I will do when the shroud of illness and incapacity settles on my shoulders. Will I tough it out with 'dignity' ( dignity? There's some dignity in a slow wasting demise??), or will I wish for a swift end? Will I even have the opportunity to make the choice, or will we continue to force those suffering and the ones that love them to resort to subterfuge and deceit in order to bring about a final easement of their overwhelming distress?
